My First Relevant Revelation  For the most part, I was a good, obedient child. My parents rarely needed to scold me. But they did believe in doling out spankings whenever necessary, especially if I was being an insufferable, little shit. Those moments were few and far between, but they did occur nonetheless. I cannot remember if I was nine or ten years old when this event occurred. My father was sitting on the couch and watching TV. I was bored. I wanted attention and decided to get it the wrong way, and I was very aware it was the wrong way. I began to pester my father. He told me to stay quite and let him continue watching TV. I did not stay quite and I did not let him continue watching TV. I continued to pester him. He yelled at me and I did not back down. I went behind the couch and flicked his ear. That was the last straw.  He sprung out the couch and lunged at me. His hands reached out to grab me. I dodged him and ran. Fear swept over me. I knew what was about to happen and I did not want to be spanked. The fear built up inside of me as we ran laps around the couch. He finally caught me and threw me on the couch face down. He proceeded to spank me. My heart was racing. My fight or flight mechanism was completely engaged and I was screaming out in pain.  A moment of clarity occurred. In retrospect this was a very strange time for a moment of clarity to present itself. I realized I was screaming out of habit and not because I was in pain. Actually, I felt nothing; physically, I felt nothing. Emotionally, I felt a cascade of feelings. The combination of these feelings of terror and the adrenaline surging through me created a barrier between the pain and me. I knew my father was not taking it easy on me, yet I was not in pain.  Because I was not being hurt, the fear subsided. My heart was still racing, yet I was neither scared nor hurt. My father finished spanking me and I walked away with a type of body language that told him I had learned my lesson. My body language was an act. I did not want to provoke him anymore then I already had. But I was very aware I was now immune to being spanked, for a reason I was not completely sure about yet. That happened to be the last time I ever misbehaved so badly my father felt the need to spank me. Several years later I realized how to voluntarily control the various elements that aided me at that time. But, that was the first moment I became aware that it is possible to control how the mind and body reacts to sudden and intense pain.  Long durations of slow, expanding pain… I still have not figured that out.
Elan Jurado Home Page

Elan Jurado

Performance artist

art New York School of Visual Arts

Love Letter
Child's Toy
Cock Rock
Smear #1
Smear #2
A Memory
A Fondness For Antiheros