You’ve always been there. There has never been a day that you have not had an influence on my actions. There have been so many times that you have in some form or fashion motivated me. I cannot and do not want to imagine what it would be like to lose you. If I was to be truly honest with myself, this thought is the only thing in this world I am completely afraid of. 	In the morning you stand at attention. That is convenient when a girl is next to me. However, usually I am alone and just have to use the elastic in my pajama pants to keep you out of the way as I walk to the bathroom. From there, it’s time to do “The Superman” or whatever people are calling it these days. There’s no need to hold you because of your current state, so I just put my hands on my hips and lean forward. You always take care of the rest. 	I put on my pants and you always go left. For as long as I can remember you have always gone left. I’ve tried to make you go right and you always complain. I fear that going left for so many years has given you a little Left English. I’m sure that is just my stupid vanity at work. 	During the summer, you stick to everything. It gets so tiresome having to peel you off of everything. It also gets tiresome having to deal with your complaints and then having to readjust you. Even though so many men have no reservation readjusting theirs in public, I feel it is just bad form to touch and readjust you in the presence of others. So, I just endure your complaints and then find a moment to do a subtle “One Cheek Slider” in the hopes that it gets you to shut up and stop making your presence known to me.  	Plus, there was our argument about boxers or briefs. I know you prefer boxers because it gives you some room to stretch out and relax. But, that is just too much fabric in my pants. I prefer briefs because it keeps you in line. Due to your size, you have a tendency to wander. That annoys me. I’m glad we could both compromise and settle with boxer-briefs. I’m making it sound as if we have a relationship built on being annoyed with one another and having to just endure each other. But, that is not true at all. You are the best wingman in world. Luckily, you and I have always had similar taste. Some men are at odds, mentally liking one thing while physically liking another. That’s not us! I always get so intimidated around a hot girl, but your, for lack of a better way of putting it, biological need just grabs the steering wheel and drives. Do you remember the first time we ever had to worry about condoms? We went to the store and I picked out a brand I saw in a commercial. I went to the check out counter and bought them. We went home and I decided to practice. I didn’t want to look like a dork in front of her just incase anything was going to happen that night. I pulled out a condom and it would not fit on you. I tried another and that one didn’t fit either. I threw the box in the trash. We drove back to the store thinking that the issue was a defective box of condoms. I bought another brand. We tried again. Same dilemma. We went back to the store a third time. I stared at all of the brands and then saw the Magnum size. I remember exactly what I thought, “Bullshit, that’s just a dumb joke they always say on TV.” I decided to buy that size anyway. At this point, it was getting a little late at night and the only person at the check out counter was someone who had already helped us. I just stood there with a dumb grin on my face trying to mask how awkward we truly were.  	We have always been such an awkward, dorky duo. But I would not change that for the world. Because you and I have always been so aware of what we are and what we want and need. Not every man can say that. Also, there are a lot of men who spend big bucks to try and have something that comes close to you.  	When it comes to you and me, I was definitely dealt a great hand and I appreciate your presence in my life. I guess what I’m getting at is that I can finally say that I love you.
Elan Jurado Home Page

Elan Jurado

Performance artist

art New York School of Visual Arts

Love Letter
Child's Toy
Cock Rock
Smear #1
Smear #2
A Memory
A Fondness For Antiheros